drinkin' coffee, smoking cigars :P

i love to drive, oh i really love to drive! especially when i meet someone, like I have some hours ago..i've met N. he turned to see me, so did I..hmh...some feelings never dies..what is about him to make me feel so, so..i don't know how to say it, but i get lost when i see him..after all these years, i still feel something..something loud and deep.

I was in Z yesterday.
it was good, i've met one dog :P he's soooo beautiful i think my sunny(my bitch :) would love him :)

Tose Proeski died...it's so sad and hard to believe....that made my day awful..todaY is a lil bit better, i was at college, and didn't find out yet nothing about the exam...so, i'm still nervous and smoky (i think i've made out a new word hahaha, smoky supposed to mean: continuously smoking cigars and when you're not smoking you want to :P)

with marve is ok; we made things out before we had even fought :P
omg, i forgot all grammar, all rules and shits about the tenses...i really have no idea how i suppose to pass the next grammar exam :S
welll, who cares...i've got time on my hands :P

adriana called yesterday, to go out :S (with that stupid arrogant bitch monique) blahhh... of course, i didn't...

i have to sleep now... (gone :P)

blahhh

it's hard for me to write in english cause i'm not expert, but i'm trying...

i woke up at 1pm...so fucked up... he didn't call, didn't send a message...nothing...so i did. I sent him a message and told him to estimate how much i owe him and he replied 'nothing.'
then I told him that I wish for him to find some kind of sex machine to fuck her day and night...because, I think it's the problem...he said that I always wanted to be the God in relationship, that everything have to be the way I want, that I want the world rotates around me and I want someone to be with me 24/7...and he hopes I'll find someone to be the way I want..
Then I said that he's using my situation because he knows i'm dependent on him...etc.....
he's sure I dont love him...DOES HE LOVE ME???? I think not... everything bothers him...

I really don't know what to say now, should I call him and try to work things out or stay passive...

:(((I should stay at home...

total disaster!!!
I broke up with my boyfriend, fought with my girlfriends...i really should stay at home...

he accused me of having another relationship...wtF??? i have only him, I had... oh, he's really annoying me, i dont know if i love him anymore...maybe i do, but...:S

''when everything reaches the bottom, the only thing to look is up..'' is it???? i'm wondering...

on the other hand, how can i know wheher it's the bottom or not...

hm...no title, no anything worth..

I feel so bad...i'm sad, thoughtful, nervous, and I don't know what to do...I should have an exam, but I don't know when...maybe it's tomorrow, and i have no idea about it...and that exam is the last, for 3rd year...if i fail....omg, i dare not to think about that...
girls are going to go out..me too, but i'd rather stay at home...(but i cant-dad is at home...) and if i stay, i'll get nervous breakdown...I can't stand him...whatever I do, it isn't ok...he hates me!! (my parents are divorced, and i lived at mum till last year, when she dumped me out...)

so, it's my sad story...

too lost in you...

hello!

what should be said in the first post???
don't know at this moment, just having desire to write something...to not be alone...ok, i'm not alone, cigars and coffee are with me :)

'I've lived long enough; my way of life
is fall'n into the sear, the yellow leaf...'